Why do Kinship Carers feel alienated?

Whilst browsing through a Kinship carer support page I found someone very honest with her thoughts and feelings. After reading, I thought how many of us could be feeling the same way, but we simply don’t admit it.

Wanting to feel appreciated is a natural human response. Sometimes it gives us the strength to keep going especially during hard times. If Kinship Carers are honest with themselves I reckon most of us feel “unappreciated” either currently or at one point in time.

The one that hurts the most is family. Families are complex, to say the least, and everyones family is different. But one thing that keeps popping up on Kinship forums is how unsupported Kinship Carers feel by their nearest and dearest.

I’m 7 years into my journey now, and can share what that journey has been like with others in hope that they read and feel they have someone who shares their pain and frustration. My biggest disappointment when it comes to my nearest and dearest is the lack of support and false promises. What do I mean by this? Keep on reading…

Your family members may tell you they will support you in the interim. With the passing of time, caring for a child in your family becomes the norm to them. Those promises of support, go unanswered and there are times when you need someone to ask “Are you okay?”

Our entire life has been turned upside down in a very short space of time. We have so much to deal with and manage on a daily basis. People have no idea what it’s like for us unless they walk that journey. It leads to alienation as it seems there’s avoidance of everyone else’s part in the family unit. Maybe in some cases it’s denial, no one likes drama and upset in a family. Kinship care puts that issue at the forefront everyone knows it, including wider members of the community. Are we a reminder of the problems? Is this why we feel alienated so often?

The truth is many Kinship carers feel alone in their journey, and massively unsupported by those closest to them. It’s a shame because Kinship carers need to be reminded of “who they were before” and given the opportunity to do so. Many Kinship carers are emotionally and mentally beyond exhaustion. We get used to not asking for “help” because we are the “help” We also know we decided to “step in” We don’t regret that for a second, but what we do regret is feeling “alone” and like we can’t speak out about what we deal with on a daily basis.

If you are a kinship carer or you know one. Check-in with yourself and check in with them. A simple “how are you?” could make all the difference to someone who feels like they have the world on their shoulders.