The ultimate juggling act!
Before I became a Kinship carer, I was a super-driven 22-year-old. I had so many goals that I wanted to accomplish before I was 25! My first goal was to work as many hours/jobs as possible so I could fund myself back into education and work part-time whilst I gained qualifications.
Alas, this was not to be… well not yet anyway!
My working life did not fit around a 5-year-old at the time. I worked too many hours, and my kinship child was exhausted. Within a few weeks, I waved goodbye to my second job and all the savings I had put away. I thought the adjustment would help things work practically better. Sadly it didn’t go far enough. I could no longer work weekends nor cope with the increased pressure from my home life and a sales job.
I changed my job role to one I wasn’t particularly interested in, but it worked financially and was manageable using before/after school clubs. This also failed, as the hours were full-time and my kinship child was suffering, and needed me at home more than I was.
Lockdown happened and it was a blessing in disguise. As it led to a realisation that working full-time just wasn’t an option. But as a single carer, the pressure of paying the bills on a part-time income adds weight to your shoulders that you do not need. I thought as my Kinship child advanced in years, it would enable me to increase my working hours and lead us to a stronger financial position. I was wrong, very wrong. The truth is Kinship children need extra, extra time at home, parenting and love. If you are not one step ahead of them, then the troubles begin. I would also put them age-wise much lower than their biological age. My Kinship child is now 12, but I would put her at age 8 in a practical sense. Her impulse control is low, her emotional age is low and her co-dependency is high. She needs constant monitoring at home even now.
Lockdown led to a part-time position, I thought great this should help her and I still have a career. We have a balance, but this didn’t work either. The working hours were part-time, but the working hours meant I missed a high proportion of evenings with my Kinship child. The effect of this was devastating on her emotions and her behaviour. I couldn’t sustain it long-term, but I was nervous about another change.
So here I am now in my current job, a part-time job with school hours. So far it is working, for both of us. But sometimes I still feel overwhelmed. I have a demanding home life that sometimes makes me want to shut off. I seek any time that I have to process things as I know that I have to deliver as a parent and in my career. From the pressure that comes with both, I sometimes reach burnout and need a reset.
If I’m being extremely honest, I am happy I have been able to maintain working. As I know not all carers are fortunate to have the option to even try! But id of greatly appreciated a “break” when my home life was very stressful. I do not know how I kept it together at times it is hard to maintain focus when you have so many problems to solve.
I hope future reforms into Kinship care, look into these pressures and realise that there needs to be a balance. We need support to have a career and have a practical solution that best benefits Kinship children. No carer should ever have to choose between paying bills vs providing what they know is best for the child.
If you are a Kinship carer please comment on how Kinship care impacted your working life.
Confessions of a Kinship Carer 